so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
