he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
