can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
