dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
