Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize