Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
