as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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