saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
