I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
