How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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