Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Houston, we have a squirter
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
