my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I need to sanitize my soul.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
