I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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