I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
