i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
