I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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