Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
