She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
