So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
