you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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