So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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