You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
