they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
