dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
