There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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