you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
