Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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