i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
