are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
