What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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