woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
