He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
