I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
