I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
