awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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