I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you had me at cake vodka
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
