i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Randomize
