Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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