meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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