She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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