apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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