No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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