don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
