i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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