Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
