i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
