We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
