I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize