I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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