So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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