well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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