dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
