mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
