I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Are we still banned from the library?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
