Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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