i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
