Your dad touched me again.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize