its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
