i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
