if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
