id be glad to
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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