oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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