Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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