peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
