I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
