so that wasnt chicken after all
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
