sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
