this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
