I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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