he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
