im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The ass gains better be worth it
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