Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
