Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
