Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
