i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
