just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
